Monday, January 9, 2012

Womaneze!



A follow-up to the Seduction topic.

It's no surprise that woman speak in another language. They are subtle creatures, sneaky, devious, and say things in code.

It's time for men to break the code!

For your reading pleasure, bold will be the woman. Normal text will be the explanation.

I'm not looking for a relationship right now.

TRANSLATED: I don't want a relationship WITH YOU. Don't even BOTHER trying to go out with me since I am saying that a relationship with you and me is already not going to happen.

I don't think of you in 'that' way.

My goodness, are you ugly and a sexual dud!

I think of you as a brother!

-OR-

You remind me of my brother!

I would consider sex with you to be incest.

The kids were bad today.

Obviously, your genes are defective!

We were both wrong.

But you were more wrong!

This recipe didn't turn out how I expected.

I burned dinner.

Try and complain. I DARE you.

You don't listen to me!

You don't listen to me!

Honey, I HATE to interrupt...

As if you were doing anything more important.

Have you had time to...

Stop what you're doing, get up, and do it RIGHT NOW!

When you get a chance...

Do this immediately!

I hate to nag but...

I want you to get off the couch now!

Of course I don't mind paying for myself.

Cheap date!

Let's not rush things.

I have other prospects.

I'm not ready to settle down.

I sure as heck don't want to settle down with YOU!

I enjoy the single life!

I enjoy not being with YOU!

I need more space!

You're becoming undesirable and unattractive.

This is when you WALK AWAY/

I'm focusing on my 'career'.

My training and studying for my career is extremely boring and tedious yet more exciting then you'll ever be.

Let's just give it some time.

You're not high on my rating list. You're good insurance policy if a better prospect doesn't show up.

I like you, but...

I don't like you at all.

You're not the type of guy I'd date, you're the type of guy I'd marry!

You're sexually a dud. You're not fun to be with. But you are... 'nice'.

A friend of mine responded to this line with, "And you're not the type of girl I'd marry, but you would be the type for a one night stand!

Let's Just Be Friends

You'll never see me naked! I'm not attracted to you.

Pook Man then says, "No, I have enough friends. Buh-Bye!"

I don't want to ruin our friendship.

Please continue to remain my girly friend. You make an excellent emotional tampon!

Honesty is very important to me.

Only tell me what I want to hear.

I only like you as a friend.

I'm not attracted to you.

"And I only see you as a flaming $lut w-hore!"

You're so manly.

Shave, bathe, discover a thing called S-O-A-P.

Let me check my schedule to see if I'm doing anything.

I have plans. WE do not.

We need...

I want...

Can you call me back? I need to...

I just need an excuse to get off the phone. I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I LIED BLATANTLY TO YOUR FACE. Oh, and have a nice day!

How about you give me YOUR number.

I'll add it to my trophy collection of guy's phone numbers - pathetic guys who want me but I don't want them!

Call her BS. "You just want to add it to your trophy collection of guy's phone numbers who..."

I'm not upset...

I'm upset.

She's upset.

Be romantic and turn out the lights.

I'm not proud of my body.

Do you love me?

I'm going to ask you for something expensive...

Am I fat?

Please tell me I'm beautiful.

I love men who take charge...

Pay the bill, you chump!

Sure, but I hope you're not disapointed.

I'm flat chested.

I'm not that type of girl.

Keep trying.

Keep trying.

Don't touch me there!

Touch me there, but I'll stop you a few times first.

Heavy resistance is bad. Light resistance is normal. Woman WANT you to go for them. All woman WANT to be taken.

Will you respect me in the morning?

You won't tell your friends, right?

I'm not looking for anyone.

I'm not looking for anyone LIKE YOU.

We need to talk...

I need to complain!

Nod head, go 'uh huh', smile, repeat.

I need to think about it.

No way.

We have an off and on relationship.

I kept him around until someone BETTER shows up.

Where is this going?

Are we getting married?

No

No

Maybe

No

Let me think about it

No

I feel like I've known you my entire life!

Bingo! We have a Bingo! Will someone make sure this prize does not get away from me?

No

Yes.

9 comments:

  1. ahahahahahaha
    women are from venus, men are from mars, my friend

    ReplyDelete
  2. I was going to read all of it but then I remembered that I have no tolerance for bullshit or disrespect so the "womaneze" isn't applicable to me. I don't even understand why you would want to lie to women and try to be friends with them in the first place. I don't know why you just can't say: "I don't care" when she starts talking nonsense. Then you walk away and go have fun your friends.

    ReplyDelete
  3. hahah thanks to make me laugh, i have a very bad day of work u.u Also +follow

    ReplyDelete
  4. she says: I love men who take charge...

    it means: Pay the bill, you chump

    I say: I love to take charge! Now pay the bill and get your mouth ready, where going back to my place and your gonna suck me off!




    @Heaven. I wish you were my sister.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Haha, some of them were pretty funny.

    ReplyDelete